When you find yourself in the role of step parent, you have to tread carefully, as your new step children may not be thrilled at your presence at first. It’s often a painful adjustment for kids, who may have recently lost a parent, through either death or divorce, recently. No matter what the circumstances, raising step children is a situation that takes patience and adaptability.
The age of your stepchildren will play an important role in defining your relationship with them. A very young child will more easily adapt to you as their “parent” than an older child. Go online and talk on the forums to other people who have assumed the role of stepparent to prepare yourself for the responsibilities you will be assuming. The older the children, the more likely it is that you’ll be more of a friend than a replacement parent. Are your step-kids in their teens? If so, your spouse will most likely keep the role as parent and you will have an ancillary role as friend. The interactions in every family are different. The ages of the stepchildren will be pivotal to how you interact with them.
As a rule, being a stepparent will require a lot of patience on your part. Don’t expect the children to accept you right away, as this may take quite a bit of time. Whatever the circumstances that separated your stepchild from the biological parent whose place you have assumed, they are likely to resist you at first. Keep in mind that part of the reason for this resistance and/or resentment is simply the fact that they miss their original parent. That’s why you have to be persistent in your efforts while at the same time not pushing too hard. Probably the wisest course is to let the child or children know that you are there if they need you, but you have no intention of trying to take the place of their birth parent.
You will have to be very tactful when any discussion about their biological parent comes up. This is even the case if the original parent has died. He or she will still have a place in your stepchild’s heart. If there has been a divorce, it’s possible that your new spouse harbors ambivalent feelings about his or her ex. This can turn into a really sensitive situation. You must make it a point to present a positive or neutral facade when it comes to a biological parent who neglected or abused the kids. It’s better for the kids to remember their life with their biological parent in a positive light and you must allow them to retain their own version of what that life was like.
Although it would be nice if your role in this new family could be accepted instantly, that is probably not going to happen. Forming a new family can be exciting and fulfilling, but it also has its challenges, and you and your step children need some time to get accustomed to each other. Keep in mind that after much time has passed, your acceptance in this new family will eventually come, but it will only happen without forcing it to occur.