Whether you’re planning your own Jewish wedding or a wedding for a friend or family member, you are about to embark on an exciting journey that may also, at times, get a little stressful.
Jewish brides and grooms have important considerations that are unique to the Jewish wedding ceremony. Here are the top planning steps most Jewish wedding planners recommend following to ensure that all important traditions are considered, while leaving plenty of room for celebration!
1. Choosing a Date
The timing of a Jewish wedding is critical. Traditional Jewish weddings are prohibited on Shabbat and certain Jewish holidays — including Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkot, as well as days of fasting, such as Tisha B’Av, the 10th of Tevet, the 17th of Tammuz, the Fast of Gedaliah, and the Fast of Esther. Traditionally, Jewish weddings are not held during the counting of the omer between Passover and Shavuot, although customs differ.
Because many of these dates fall during prime wedding season in spring and summer, it is highly recommended that you check the Jewish calendar and confirm with your rabbi before you finalize the date for your wedding. Many couples choose to get married on Saturday at sundown, aligning their ceremony with havdalah, which marks the end of Shabbat.
2. Selecting a Rabbi
If you are an active member of a congregation or have a childhood or Hillel rabbi that you are still in contact with, selecting a rabbi to officiate your wedding may not be difficult. For other engaged couples, finding a rabbi may be more challenging.
For some Jewish denominations, a rabbi is not the only officiant who can lead a Jewish wedding. A cantor can officiate, as can another educated professional serving the Jewish community. However, to meet most states’ requirements, the officiant does need to be a recognized member of the clergy, so you’ll want to validate their background and certifications before engaging their services.
You can start a search for a rabbi by visiting online rabbi directories. The mazelmoments website, for example, enables you to view each rabbi’s background and certification, and search for rabbis of different denominations, as well as those who perform interfaith weddings and/or same sex ceremonies. You can also visit local congregations and observe how different rabbis lead the services. Either way, it is critical to verify that the rabbi will perform wedding ceremonies for non-congregants, and to clear the date with him or her as soon as possible since rabbis tend to have many commitments and tight schedules.
Other resources for interfaith couples are organizations such as the Jewish Outreach Institute or the Rabbinic Center for Research and Counseling, as these groups will work with the couples and can help them find a rabbi.
When you meet with the rabbis you are considering, be sure to ask them their philosophy about leading weddings, if they are open to adapting rituals, and what kind of ketubah or marriage contract text they prefer. Be sure your vision of your marriage vows and Jewish wedding ceremony are in tune with theirs.
3. Planning the Ceremony
Some Jewish couples may find that they are not comfortable with certain traditional Jewish wedding rituals. For example, in a traditional ceremony, only the groom gives the bride a ring, an act which is thought to symbolize kinyan (acquisition).
Some contemporary egalitarian couples find this ritual out of step with their own values and choose to do a double-ring ceremony. Some Orthodox rabbis will allow a modified form of this type of ceremony. Before you commit to a rabbi, it’s a good idea to familiarize yourself with Jewish wedding rituals. Then work with your rabbi to determine which of the traditions you will incorporate, personalize or eliminate from your ceremony.
4. Choosing a Ketubah
Just as our government issues a marriage license, Jewish law has historically used a ketubah to sanction a marriage. Ketubah means “writing” or “written” and refers to the marriage contract that is signed by witnesses before and often read during a Jewish wedding ceremony. Traditionally, a ketubah served as a kind of premarital contract, outlining a bride’s ongoing rights: food, clothing, and other personal responsibilities to her husband. The traditional ketubah also specifies the wife’s rights in the case of her husband’s death or their divorce.
Many contemporary couples choose to veer away from the traditional ketubah text and instead choose a text that expresses their hopes and commitments for their marriage. Some couples write their own text, while others search for a text that speaks to their vision and relationship. You should go with what your heart tells you, and what is in keeping with your expectations and moral outlook.
Couples should also think about whom they want to invite as witnesses to sign their ketubah. Traditionally, a witness must be a religiously observant Jewish male, unrelated to the bride or groom. Reform and Reconstructionist and some Conservative rabbis also invite women to become witnesses, though most still prefer that the witness be Jewish. The ketubah signing ceremony, which occurs prior to the wedding ceremony, can be a private event with close family and witnesses, or a public event with all of the couple’s friends and family invited.
5. Selecting a Huppah
The huppah is the canopy that covers the bride and groom during the Jewish wedding ceremony, creating a sacred space that is both open for all to see and private and intimate for the couple beneath it. It symbolizes their new home together, and is said to be open as was the tent of Abraham and Sarah, who were always ready to receive visitors.
In planning your wedding, think about what kind of huppah design you would like. Some are covered in flowers or branches, others are a tallit or made of fabric squares that friends and family sew together for the couple. The huppah is attached to four poles, which can be free-standing or held by four people. It is considered a great honor to hold a huppah pole, so this job should be given to people very close to the bride or groom.
6. Including Ritual Objects
Jewish weddings call for some ceremonial objects, such as a kippot (yarmulkes), which are provided for guests. Many couples have the kippot imprinted with their names and wedding date; others knit original kippot or decorate satin or felt ones to match wedding decor. Couples also need a Kiddush cup filled with kosher wine for the blessings recited under the huppah, and no Jewish wedding would be complete without the breaking glass for the dramatic end of the wedding ceremony.
7. Making Pre-wedding Choices
The Jewish wedding celebration takes place over a period of time, which gives the bride and groom plenty of time to prepare for the final day. A celebration may begin with an aufruf, which is when bride and groom are called to the Torah for an aliyah to receive a blessing intended to invoke God’s blessing for the bride and groom. They are then showered with candy, a symbol of the sweetness to come in their life together. Many couples host a Kiddush lunch at the synagogue following services.
Another Jewish wedding custom is the mikvah, the bride’s pre-wedding ritual bath. In addition, traditionally the bride and groom will separate from one another during the week before the wedding, and fast on their wedding day until the celebratory meal. These are optional Jewish traditions that couples may choose to follow in varied forms, depending on their personal preferences and the ceremony they have planned.
The most important thing a couple should do to plan for their Jewish wedding is to fully discuss all of the traditions and options and agree on a vision for their wedding ceremony. The Jewish wedding is a spiritual celebration, steeped in history and cultural rituals. The more time you have to understand these rituals, the more likely you are to have a Jewish wedding ceremony that is truly meaningful and memorable.
To know more about New York City Bar Mitzvah Party please browse New York City Bar Mitzvah Party